Last night I read this quote from one of my course books, about the move from contemplating the Passion to being with Jesus in the joy of the Resurrection:
“Finally you must let him breathe his last and be gone. You must walk around in the hollowness of this loss. The Resurrection is no miraculous after thought. It grows from a tree planted on Calvary…The Pieta’s image of a faithful mother treasuring in her grief the broken body of her son provides transition and gives birth to a hope, fragile and yet sturdy enough for victory..As you come to the end of [the Passion] you have pierced through the dreadful, repulsive agony to something majestic and stately: a dignity, nobility that stands faithful. The sails are slack now, but an indomitable wind begins to rustle and will not be restrained.”
by George Ashenbrenner SJ.
The joy is beginning to be sensed here and yet, however much I like this quote I am not yet in a place to appreciate the rustling wind. I sit watching Mary and the other disciples. John, in his grief, taking on his new responsibility of caring for Jesus’ mother. I feel numb. Did I really want the gift of entering into the suffering of Good Friday? It would be so much easier to stay aloof rather than to be here.
The Quantum blog, that I have found so helpful this Lent sums up my feelings better. Christ is dead, descending to Hades. Numbness, disbelief and sadness hold me in this place where Jesus is not. The tomb is shut tight and all is empty.